Required Reading for Italian-Americans...

Sicilian Culture: News & Views

The Complete Military History of France

From The ANNOTICO Report

I don't like ridiculing people anymore than I enjoy being ridiculed. But since having to endure so much ridicule because of my Italian Heritage, perhaps I should "lighten up", get with the "program", and treat it all as just good fun, as many suggest.

Of course I would not consider "having any fun with" any of the "privileged", and "preferenced" minorities, or other "PC " groups. Nor would I do it to my fellow Jews, or other "empowered" groups, or I would get my head handed to me. No sense of Humor!!!!

But, because the French disagree with us in the UN, they are "fair game".

Besides this current "vituperative Anti-Francophile" campaign will momentarily distract the Media from "bashing" Italy. Thank G-d for small favors.

There is the additional benefit of possibly "tarring" French Military "prowess" sufficiently, that perhaps France could replace Italy, as the country that is "considered" to have the thinnest book of Military Victories. [Yes, I know they completely overlook Rome and the Renaissance, and know not of what they speak, but that does not prevent "them" from repeating the "big lie", or "kidding" about it.]

Thanks to Anthony Ghezzo, who prefaces his transmission with:

Although I do not have an...unconditional love for the French, Marla Tushinsky, in my opinion, doesn't appear totally fair in her assessment of history.

The Complete Military History of France

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last moment by schizophrenic teenaged girl, who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare;  "France's armies are victorious only when NOT led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, ! but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.

The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Germany plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night!

World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu

Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador, fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

Marla Tuchinsky, Ph.D.
Associate Academic Director
Duke Corporate Education Inc.

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